aPpreCiaTiOn

i had been sleeplessness for about 1 month. I am just stressful with my life now. Sometimes i do not want to be moody or feeling down, i am forcing myself not to be. And is hurting me so much… I just wanna to sleep everynight, just to really have a sleep and rest. Why i just cant falling asleep eventhough i am super super tired?WHY?can anyone tell me?

Finally i went to the pharmacy and bought the sleep aid in order for me to have good sleep during the night. It does help a little. The medicine make me dizzy and fall asleep. But then it makes me feel drowsy when i wake up in the next morning. I have to force myself to be in very"clear" situation for me to get to work.So i stop having it after i tried for the 1st time. I do not want to be addicted to it. I believe in myself that i can still sleep without it. However, I just cant…I cant stop waking up in the middle of the night. I am so damn tired and lay on the bed and my eyes are closing and relaxing..BUT, I am still AWAKE!!!

I really really really dont like it. I HATE it. You know what, i saw the instruction from the back of the medicine to ask me stop eating it if sleeplessness persists continously for more than 2 weeks. Sound funny to me because i think i cant sleep well for more than a month. Since i am back to Mobile from Disney. I need a doctor. Or someone that could treat me…Is there anyone? I should be thankful to have him to be my side. He is making sure that i SLEEP every night. He tried alot of stuffs to make me sleep in the night. Somehow, it works sometimes not everytime.

I am just stressing over when i am working. I need money and I wanna give the best service to my customer. I hope that they appreciate my work and give me more!! Because i need MORE….MUCH MUCH MORE! Too bad that i am not the BOSS. Too bad that i cant quit because i cant get another job. Too bad that i am here, in Mobile.

What is the point of being a good gal?Nobody pity for you and no ones treat you better because you are kind. The real world is cruel and cold. Nobody would give his or her helping to you when you are in trouble not even wanting to lend you their shoulder for you to lean on. NO ONE…NOT EVEN ONE!!If i do not treat myself better, NO ONE does!

I wanna be happy all the time. I wanna cheer myself up..i wanna smile all day long. I wanna this..i wann that..This is what i tell myself everyday..did i make it?NO NO NO…does ever the dreams come true once? if the dream does not come true then what is the point having the DREAM? That is just a DREAM..It is just a world to make me feel happy and easy. But, in the real world, I AM NOT!

Or maybe i should be grateful that i can still talk,walk, listen, eat, see…I can still BREATH~~I just cant sleep..

Copy from fren’s blog..is pretty touching so i wanna post in my blog too~~hehe..

她是城市的白领,他是城市的扛包工人.高中毕业后,两个人划着完全不同的青春轨迹.可是,
他们依然保持着恋人的关系.仅仅是保持着.

白天,她在公司里喝正宗的雀巢咖啡,下班后,她吃他买来的廉价的冰棍;中午,她品味着公司里精致的饭菜,晚上,
他带她去脏兮兮的饭馆吃并不正宗的兰州拉面.她认为,自己的生活太不协调.这样的恋情,从开始的那一天, 便仿佛注定了某一种结局.

他每天去接她,然后送到她所居住的白领公寓的电梯口, 道一声晚安,匆匆离去.那天她突然想撒娇,她说背我上去吧!他看了看电梯,电梯运转良好,
然后他回头,说,好.他没问理由.他背着她,从一楼开始,慢慢向上爬.爬到一半他累了,他说休息一下好不好,她突然来了兴致,
娇嗔着说不行.他就真的没有休息,一直爬到她的寓所所在的13楼. 她问他累不累,他说累,比扛包累.她知道他说的是真的 ,  她有了一丝感动.
但他们还是分手了.因为有时候,仅有感动,并不能够将爱情维持  .爱情的本身,除了感动,好象还有太多的琐碎.

城市里并不缺少一个扛包工人,所以他回到乡下.
他偶尔会给她打电话,告诉她他现在种着大棚,挣了一些钱.她听着,淡淡的. 那时她已经有了新的男友,门当户对的,可以充门面,协调生活的那种.

然后某一天,他有一次打来电话,说他攒够了五千元钱,这些钱可以在乡下娶老婆了.她发现,突然间,自己的眼角,竟然有些湿润.
她新交的男友也是每天接她下班,送她至电梯,很绅士地道一声晚安,然后离去某一天她说,背我上去吧.男友说 ,行.
那时电梯停在一楼,男友背起她,飞快地冲进电梯.她伏在男友的背上,与电梯一起爬升,心却在飞快地下沉.
男友嘿嘿笑着,好象对自己这个带着幽默的小伎俩很是满意.那一天,她没有接受男友照例的吻别.

她给他打电话,她问他那五千块钱花出去了吗?然后她便发现自己泪流满面.他说花出去了。
她扔掉了电话,那一刻,  她觉得自己正在失去整个世界.
    几天后她在电梯门口看到他,他的手里拿着一枚戒指,很高档.  他把戒指扬了扬,说, 五千块.她乐了.
然后她开始哭泣,哭得一塌糊涂.
她说背我上去?他说好.然后他背着她,一步步爬着楼梯.途中他累了,他说这次让不让休息,她说不行不行.
他就沉默着,一直爬到了13层.这时她想,如果一个男人,肯背着一个女人爬最漫长的楼梯,甚至可以不问理由,
那么,这个女人,还有什么理由拒绝他呢?