aPpreCiaTiOn

i had been sleeplessness for about 1 month. I am just stressful with my life now. Sometimes i do not want to be moody or feeling down, i am forcing myself not to be. And is hurting me so much… I just wanna to sleep everynight, just to really have a sleep and rest. Why i just cant falling asleep eventhough i am super super tired?WHY?can anyone tell me?

Finally i went to the pharmacy and bought the sleep aid in order for me to have good sleep during the night. It does help a little. The medicine make me dizzy and fall asleep. But then it makes me feel drowsy when i wake up in the next morning. I have to force myself to be in very"clear" situation for me to get to work.So i stop having it after i tried for the 1st time. I do not want to be addicted to it. I believe in myself that i can still sleep without it. However, I just cant…I cant stop waking up in the middle of the night. I am so damn tired and lay on the bed and my eyes are closing and relaxing..BUT, I am still AWAKE!!!

I really really really dont like it. I HATE it. You know what, i saw the instruction from the back of the medicine to ask me stop eating it if sleeplessness persists continously for more than 2 weeks. Sound funny to me because i think i cant sleep well for more than a month. Since i am back to Mobile from Disney. I need a doctor. Or someone that could treat me…Is there anyone? I should be thankful to have him to be my side. He is making sure that i SLEEP every night. He tried alot of stuffs to make me sleep in the night. Somehow, it works sometimes not everytime.

I am just stressing over when i am working. I need money and I wanna give the best service to my customer. I hope that they appreciate my work and give me more!! Because i need MORE….MUCH MUCH MORE! Too bad that i am not the BOSS. Too bad that i cant quit because i cant get another job. Too bad that i am here, in Mobile.

What is the point of being a good gal?Nobody pity for you and no ones treat you better because you are kind. The real world is cruel and cold. Nobody would give his or her helping to you when you are in trouble not even wanting to lend you their shoulder for you to lean on. NO ONE…NOT EVEN ONE!!If i do not treat myself better, NO ONE does!

I wanna be happy all the time. I wanna cheer myself up..i wanna smile all day long. I wanna this..i wann that..This is what i tell myself everyday..did i make it?NO NO NO…does ever the dreams come true once? if the dream does not come true then what is the point having the DREAM? That is just a DREAM..It is just a world to make me feel happy and easy. But, in the real world, I AM NOT!

Or maybe i should be grateful that i can still talk,walk, listen, eat, see…I can still BREATH~~I just cant sleep..

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